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John Boehner Furious at Garth Brooks’ Parody of The Thunder Rolls Entitled “The Speaker Blows”

15 Oct

WASHINGTON – John Boehner has many qualities: tan, easily moved to tears, and stubborn just to name a few. He is even thought to be able to have a sense of humor; until now.
As of late, a man named Jon Webster has penned a parody of Garth Brooks’ The Thunder Rolls entitled The Speaker Blows about the mess that is Washington. Boehner has lobbied hard to have it removed from the internet and almost succeeded. We here at Unreal News have obtained the lyrics to that song. Here now are those lyrics to the parody of Garth Brooks’ The Thunder Rolls entitled The Speaker Blows:

(Verse 1)
3:30 on a Monday. Not a deal in sight.
D.C.’s lookin’ like a stalemate. Both sides puttin’ up a fight.
Neither side will yield. If there was decorum, it is at an end.
We are in the middle of somewhere that we never should have been.
And the Speaker blows.
And the Speaker blows.
Every head is turnin’.
To that Capital town.
Talkin’ on the telephone
Pleadin’ round and round.
Askin’ for a miracle.
Hoping we’re not right.
Prayin’ it’ll get better.
And they will make it right.
And the Speaker blows.
And the Speaker blows.

(Chorus)
The Speaker blows
And his unpopularity spikes.
As this shit gets real old
As D.C. fights.
As this all goes on
Spinning out of control.
Deep within our hearts
We know the Speaker blows.

(Verse 2)
As it reaches its crescendo,
After the economy took a dive,
We call out to scold them,
Some thankful we’ve survived.
And through all the hurt and pain
The debt ceiling grows
And the fightin’ ceases before our eyes.
And the next election they all go.

(Chorus)
The Speaker blows
And his unpopularity spikes.
As this shit gets real old.
As D.C. fights.
As this all goes on
Spinning out of control.
Deep within our hearts
We know the Speaker blows.

(Verse 3)
This doesn’t happen always.
It damn sure won’t happen anymore.
A new Speaker reaches for the gavel
Left by the Speaker before.
Tells the people of this nation
We won’t do this again.
It will be the last time.
From now on, we’ll take in more than we spend.

Written By: Jon Webster

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