Supreme Court Rules Playing Justin Bieber’s “Baby” to Suspected Terrorists Unconstitutional

8 Apr

As far as extracting confessions and information from people suspected of being involved with terrorist groups, waterborading is now off the table. A new, more effective technique has been implemented. Ex-CIA director, David Petraeus has said, “The most effective and probably most unpleasant thing we started doing to suspected enemies of America was the constant, non-stop playing of Justin Bieber’s ‘Baby.’ It extracts confessions a helluvalot faster than waterboarding and we don’t have to waste good water as well.” However, the Supreme Court has had other things to say in favor of stopping the practice. In an unprecedented 9-0 ruling in favor of ending the controversial treatment, Chief Justice John Roberts said, “It is the very definition of cruel and way beyond unusual.”

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